Los Angeles

My final week of winter break was spent in LA. After finding a $97 round-trip ticket from ORD with Frontier Airlines (Lol), I finally saw America's western coast. The week was a trip, constantly teetering between headaches and enjoyment. I made a 12 hour drive from North Carolina to Champaign, a few days after driving up from Clearwater, FL... definitely pushed a psychological limit in the past month. It was a weird mood to be in before taking on LA as an experience & definitely stirred thought. The trip was inspiring- finally met a few friends I've been waiting to meet & finally photographed places I've seen so many photos of... 

LA was pushing (whatever that means). Quick background context- I want to move out to the west coast after undergrad & push photo/start-up work further before entertaining my Architecture career through grad school. I said LA was pushing- because it made me question a lot ab. future, entrepreneurship, etc.

  • 'Where is the line between tenacity to passions & stubbornness to preference?' 
  • 'When are you allowing too much time for yourself to struggle?- Isn't there a certain immaturity in people not letting go of what they want?
  • 'How much surety are you allowed to credit yourself with (to whatever you believe in/work for)?'

Looking at my parent's generation- it seems like no one spent too much time thinking about what they loved to do &/or how to manifest that into a career. I think I see a generation of Americans who understood what they had to do in order to satisfy responsibilities of their life & the people they affect.. & that just conflicts so much with an attitude I've seen in LA. At a certain angle, you see a city of talented people who relentlessly pursue their passions. I love that- not speaking against anyone there or the city as a whole- but i'm hesitant to buy in & assume as an identity for myself.. especially after seeing an attitude of the past generation that is so absent of said principles/mentalities. Before moving forward, I guess there's just serious questions to ask.

I don't know if it's a projection of my own life doubts & insecurities to look at a lifestyle/life-route in LA & feel wrong/narrow minded to say, "I want to do what I love" or "This is the route I'll pursue because it's my calling/passion/etc." It sounds corny. I mean I know what I love to do, at the age I'm at, but how much certainty can I assign to my beliefs of the future? How can I make a certain series of sacrifices to set a direction for my life & not consider my motives to be naive and wrong? I have two years of undergrad left. It was encouraging to meet people, who are much older/mature/wise & tell me they're still asking themselves similar questions. Slowly understanding more uncertainties of life, slowly accepting a direction of forwardness in ambiguity..

This month's lesson-  everyone has faith. it's just the object of faith that's unique.

thumbnail art by jesse h.