Portland

I don't know what happened- whether it was lack of inspo. or self-seeping, but my photo work became so plain and conventional this past winter..I just got bad at doing what I was doing. Spent so much time behind a computer screen doing arch. & menial/posed visuals... Just felt like I was working, not growing- which I think can & should coexist. It's such a bad feeling- feeling like you're not growing. Definitely acknowledge the endurance & consistency which are just solid principles, but if your avenue of endurance can be changed so that there's more growth, should we not change anything?

I don't know. I just wanted some change so I booked a flight to Portland during my finals week. Grades were good, reviews were done- so why not. I wasn't going to "story tell" or "express," I just wanted something in my work to change, more so in technique & style.

I was so tired of posed work, like it's cool because it's unusual and foreign to what you see everyday, but I just wanted to do something more genuine. Quit everything (jobs, shoots) I was doing because all the work I was doing was so dry- most of it was for the side cash. Just got a job at the hospital, I'll be the newborn baby photographer, haha. Excited to meet new families & BEIBEZ. Have your baby delivered @ Carle & let's collab *fire emoji. Hopefully I'll learn something new shooting with different reasons for.

Heard someone say this the other day- "To be an artist, or a painter, or a filmmaker, or a creator of any type means your ego is so big that you think that the rest of the world cares about your perspective." Also this- in order to singular & original, "you have to be willing to be frank and frank in your choices. most of the time people say 'i'm gonna make this type of song.' so it ends up sounding like something we've heard before, something we've felt before."

I think the only "art-works" that are refreshing are those that are singular and unique- like just so closely tied to someone's background, personality & story. It's not just about being "real," which isn't much. It's not hard saying what most won't say. But it's bracing & fresh when someone just digs, internally & outwardly and shares something good for the world.

Public writing is still awkward for me- sorry for the spottiness. Taking photos & uploading them with an ambiguous tone (lack of text) is easy. Trying to write honestly without being contextual & too narcissistic is hard.